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October 29, 2004
Disturbed Down South
I’m leaving South Carolina this morning with no small amount of trouble on my mind. Seems one of my parents gave my blog URL to a relative, who found the content of my blog appalling on several counts. I believe the word “pornographic” was used in describing the content to my parent.
I’m not writing this to imply that this relative is ignorant. Marsha (not her real name) is a very intelligent and capable woman. She does, however, live a somewhat sheltered life, with little exposure to the world at large save what she sees on television or reads in the newspapers. I’ve heard on more than one occasion that there are a lot of bad people out there who do bad things.
I have lived a very different life and have a much different perspective of the world around me. I first believe that all people are human beings worthy of love and compassion, no matter their past or their inclination, be it drug addict, or diseased or pagan or Christian, Republican or Democrat or Muslim or Jew, whatever color or whatever mix of colors. It is not up to me to judge how other people live their lives or discover their beliefs. This openness has earned me a slap on the face from time to time, but never any permanent damage or life-altering repercussions. Yes, there one or two persons who have screwed me over time and time again--and I have allowed them to remain at a distance, but I am willing to offer someone like that another chance if they but ask for it.
This belief system has earned me a circle of friends and support on whom I can depend. I might be lonely from time to time in my life but I will never be alone, and I know that anything I would ever need, all I would have to do is ask. If someone is unable to do something for me, either they’ll usually make an effort to find someone who will, or I can make another telephone call to someone who will.
There are a lot of people out there who do bad things. In fact, there are very few people who don’t do some kind of bad thing or another. Jesus Christ taught his followers first and foremost to treat each other as we would wish to be treated, yet I constantly see people with Jesus Fish tags on their cars who cut people off on the road, yell at their children in public and make it a point to vote to deny personal liberties to others that they themselves have.
Maybe the content of my blog is a tad too broad. I would like to think that it not be to racy for my niece, who is about to turn twelve years old. I doubt she would have any interest in reading it, nor do I have any interest in writing for the interest of children; however, if I should make my lowest common denominator that a 12-year-old would be able to read it, then perhaps that’s where I need to aim.
Unlike Marsha, my sister has been reading my blog on a regular basis, and continues to read it in spite of my broad subject matter. She has mentioned that she wouldn’t let her children see it, which is something I expected, but when faced with it, does get me thinking about subject matter appropriate for a twelve-year-old.
Since I don’t discuss violence very much, that leaves strong language and sex. Strong language is easy--I can forget the future post entitled F**K Bush. But sex is a different matter altogether, and where I have to really consider things carefully. If I am to write about my life and what matters to me, being a self-acknowledged sex addict makes it difficult to leave out that part of it entirely. But where do I draw the line?
Drugs are another matter altogether. You will never see me glorifying drugs or drug use here. I think drugs are bad for us and nobody needs them. But everyone doesn’t feel the same way I do, and I’m not going to spend time proselytizing about the hazards of drugs. When I describe the bad effects of drugs, I use my own experiences and the experiences of those that I witness. But again, my drug addiction, however distant I am from it, is a significant part of my history and my life--and if you want to understand me, and why I write the way I do, you have to know about my drug addiction.
And to all my other friends in NA, this is where 3½ years is far more important and significant than 120 days. My relapse was on amyl nitrite, aka poppers, a sort-of-legal, short-term effect, not generally addictive substance that many people don‘t even consider a relapse. I do, on the other hand, but for my blog and my family, my credibility is something to be considered, and the fact that I haven’t put alcohol or any illegal substance in my body goes a long way toward explaining my dedication to being clean and remaining clean. In meetings, June 28, 2004 is my clean date, whereas March 17, 2001 is my sobriety date. Maybe I won’t be celebrating that last one at meetings, but it was a significant, life-altering event that I will nevertheless acknowledge. Nobody can or will take it away from me except me, if I choose to put any other substance into my body. And you’ll read about it here.
Prison and prison reform are also very important topics. I believe that Marsha comes from the thought school that everyone that’s in there belongs there, and even if their not guilty of the crime that put them their, they’re guilty of something--and there’s no reform and people come out worse when they leave then when they went in, so it’s best to just keep them there. Having met reformed criminals and being very close to someone who’s in there right now, I believe she couldn’t be further from the truth. Most people come out of prison with no desire to go back. We are a country with a higher percentage of our population in prison than any where else in the world. This doesn’t tell me that we’ve got better policing, it tells me that we’re doing nothing to teach our citizens better ways to live.
The rule of “just say ‘no’” doesn’t work. I’m 37 years old and can barely control my impulses, and I’m on medication and have years of therapy, not to mention a constant spiritual contact with my higher power. How can I judge anyone else who can’t afford therapy or medication, and who knows all about religion but nothing about spirituality?
I don’t know where I’m taking this blog in the future. I haven't even mentioned in this post my feelings about AIDS, the Death Penalty, or Politics. But I don’t think that a 12-year old would have a problem reading this piece, and maybe by my niece’s birthday, I’ll be writing so that a mother with good common sense, like my sister, would have no problem allowing her twelve-year-old to read it.
You can be certain I will find out if I'm not!
Posted by Bastique at October 29, 2004 1:14 PM